Every time I’m with a group of mothers, the conversation ultimately turns to the desire for their bodies to return to their BC state (before children). I was part of that majority for the last 11 years but this weight loss has come to not only help me accept my AD (after delivery) body but view it not as something to be tolerated but something that is far superior. Having children forever changes your body, there is no doubt about that but I think far too often, as women, we discount the amazing, powerful, sexy creatures that motherhood morphs us into.
I like to go through my husband’s computer every now and again, trying to keep my finger on the pulse of what turns him on, and I’m always pleasantly surprised by the kind of women he is fantasizing about. When he was in his 20s, the women he was fantasizing about were also in their 20s with perfect bodies. As he’s gotten older, his tastes have changed. While I’ll admit he’s not into women in mom jeans with grey hair and wrinkles, the women he is looking at look a lot more like me than I would have suspected. Is it possible that his wife, the mother of his children has become something that he desires, reveres, and fantasizes about? Do we really expect that as we evolve and change, that they don’t?
There is something about being a mother that is inherently sexual…sex makes us mothers and that seems to stamp us indelibly as fuckable. Our hips widen, our asses get bigger, our breasts get fuller and we see this as something to hide but I propose that these are things that throughout history have made men go into battle to honor. Women with fuller frames have been prominent in art for centuries, they were revered and seen as symbols of sexuality, fertility, and wisdom. So just because we now have the ability to photo shop, we should throw centuries of being goddesses out? Fuck that. We understand the power of our touch to heal, comfort, adore and these things aren’t just honed for the care of our children, but transfer to the way we touch our partners. The terms “MILF” and “cougar” have only come into the common vernacular in the last 10 years and yet they symbolize that there is a desire to be with mothers, older women who know their bodies, who have full, soft, voluptuous forms that are designed to offer comfort and love. Beyond being exhausted by the colossal tasks that are in front of us, there is truth to that whole sexual peak awakening that happens as we get older. While my husband would tell you that my appetites have always been strong, he’s had to lock himself into the guest room to get some rest since I’ve hit my late 30s. So push past the tired and let the inner cougar out.
Stop buying into the myth that motherhood transforms us into these sterile, asexual creatures, that no one is looking at. It’s just not true. Our partners are turned on when we bend over to clean up some spilled milk. They watch the muscles flex as we carry a child on our slightly wider hip. They’re legitimately jealous when they see our children cuddle into our full bosoms as we read a good night story. We need to stop repressing our sexuality as we become mothers and instead celebrate and channel it into every part of our being. Stop believing that being a mother somehow turns off the switch of sexuality and instead see that motherhood turns on another light, not dulling but brightening its incandescence . Embrace the sexuality that you possess not in spite of being a mother but because of it.